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[26 Feb 2010|09:24pm] This has been the worst week and there's so much I want to say but I don't have the energy. I just can't wait to move to Cali. even if it is alone Scream like you never have before

[12 Feb 2010|08:19pm] sometimes I feel like I should just be a cold hearted asshole and sever my ties. quit trying, quit caring, quit giving a fuck. maybe i'd be better off =/ Scream like you never have before

I and I, we're taking control of our lives. [09 Jan 2010|11:41pm] So ready to leave. It'll be the happiest day if my life to leave every last one of you sorry fucks behind. All the bullshit, and excuses, using, and lies. Fuckin done. 2 Scream for me | Scream like you never have before

[26 Dec 2009|10:37pm] this is fucking ridiculous. i can't sleep at all anymore im going insane. when i was working id be so physically tired id pass out no problem now i feel like im caged in my house. i havent even driven the truck to do anything cept to bring my mom to her doctors. havent gotten coffee. cant smoke or drink. all the games i have i beat but even if i didnt its not the point.my mom says i need a hobby. hobbies consist of sittin on your ass doing nothing the one thing im trying to avoid right now. im gunna bash my head in soon. every night i sit here like ooh yayy its only 10:30 only another 6 hours before I pass out great. there's no work at all out there as it is. or if there is I have to be an RN or LPN or audiologist or tax consultant or have 5 years in cnc programming. i can't handle not having money at all. cant do things, cant buy things and when i do start work ill owe my mom a good 4 weeks worth of pay. argh i dont even know anymore Scream like you never have before

why's it come to this? [20 Dec 2009|01:41pm] [ mood | pissed off ] I can tell I'm changing and sometimes I wonder if it's for the best. my patience is gone. I've done too much for too many people and been walked all over. I've kept my mouth shut more times than you'd think. no more. i'm all fucking set with people. none of my friends give a fuck about anything but themselves so why should I be different. Ive spent so much time with my "friends" smoking and drinkin and driving, bummin bogies and as soon as i lose my job no one comes around. no one can make it out here cause they dont have the gas. please. so how's this? fuck off. when you call me and I don't answer, don't bother calling back cause i'm NOT going to answer. I'm done with stingy friends that can't return the favor even though the past 7 years of your life ive done more for you,smoked more with you, brought you more places, bought you more food, coffee, beer and cigarettes than anyone else. I'm sick of playing guessing games and never actually talking. Even though actions speak louder than words it doesn't help our cause. I just get shit on and ignored with no explanation, then pretend like everythings back to normal, fuck that I don't deserve it. See me at the store but you're too afraid to say hi because you're with your man. Really? can't even wave? cause you know what your man will do. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU FAKE ASS BITCH I'll find a fucking tattoo artist that actually takes pride in his fucking work, possibly even call someone back after months and months of trying to reach you, aside from the fact we're supposed to be friends, but who calls friends back right? I want to hot iron your logo off my shoulder you hack. I'm not listenting to your bullshit and lies and stories and listen to your family talk shit about me when I didnt do anything wrong, then you just expect a text will fix everything, haha fat chance. We chill almost every fucking day till i lose my job and you just ignore me, got time and money to chill with everyone but me all of a sudden. fuck you break your collarbone snowboarding. Oh and you can't talk to me because you have a boyfriend and god forbid he finds out we're FRIENDS and even though you drive RIGHT PAST MY FUCKING HOUSE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY why bother taking 5 minutes of your busy life to stop by? I haven't talked to you in over a year but you still run around telling everyone and their mom all sorts of complete bullshit about me, grow the fuck up. I could go on and on and on but I'm sick of typing. Moral is; It's all me now. You probably think I hate you guys but I don't. I just don't fucking care anymore about people that don't care either. it's pointless. "It feels so wrong cause it feels so right but it's alright, it's okay with me. I'll do my steps all by myself, I don't need nobody to play with me. But if you'd just give me a chance I can put you in a trance the way I dance, but don't nobody want to play with me so I'm taking my ball and going home." ever read into songs and put your own meaning to it? kinda like motivation. but it's true. I feel awful about even wanting to give up on people but I feel so good about not having them dragging me down. I'll get my car and get to Cali and have my own business by myself I dont need anyone fuck it. and if you'd open your eyes we could have it all but no one seems to believe in me so I'm gettin my shit together and doin it on my own. -and now the people that read this are going to get all offended and call me an asshole and ask what my deal is, but I clearly stated it so you just 1. either can't read or 2. are trying to pick a fight with someone who doesnt fucking care anymore. call me an asshole or any name you want to, when you can prove me wrong. 1 Scream for me | Scream like you never have before

[15 Dec 2009|09:36pm] fucking crack Scream like you never have before

[14 Nov 2009|03:27pm] I'm so sick of your fucking games. I'm not your fall back plan. I didn't do shit to deserve this. But I'm through running in circles. I'm through giving a fuck. Thanks for the run around again it was fun. Scream like you never have before

So forever let it go...forever let it burn [28 Sep 2009|07:51pm] [ mood | gloomy ] I'm glad this is how things are turning out...no different then ever before why listen to me though, why take my advice? why listen to the one person who really cares about you? I don't buy that you miss me I don't buy that you care. I don't believe you ever cared, or gave a fuck that you were so shitty to me I don't think you ever wanted things to change. I don't think it even bothers you we're barely friends. You consistently fuck with my head and fuck with my heart. for what? cause it's a fucking game to you? you've clearly enjoyed ripping my heart out multiple times and putting it in a blender. Kid I miss you, I miss how things used to be, I think about how things could have been, or should be, and I've fucking tried, I've tried so hard, yet here we are again, not talking, and playing games, "oh I miss you and i'm so sorry, if you were the one friend I could go too blah blah" FUCK THAT SHIT. IF IT WERE FUCKING TRUE YOU'D PROVE IT. but you can't even fucking talk to me, or tell me what's going on in your fucking life. you'd rather sit there and text ryan the whole time you're hanging out with me, because why? good way to prove you give a fuck. I don't know who's more naive in the situation, you for fucking that kid and thinking it's an awesome idea, and that you won't be a charm on his tattoo,  or me for thinking you actually gave a fuck when you typed that last post. even though I've had to figure everything out that's going on in your life by looking at your facebook or myspace for the past 3 years instead of my "bestfriend" telling me. why would friends talk about their lives to each other though, guessing games are way more fun. but w/e dude, you know, it's cool, I know the deal, I know how this works and I'm done. I'm 100% fucking done with you. It's clear the only thing you fucking care about is yourself. and that's crap.  You know I would have been there for you till the end Sydney. You were my best friend and now I feel like I don't even know you. I would have done anything for you. I love you. but I just can't do it anymore. I can't play these games, I can't listen to you tell me one thing, while your actions scream something else. I 'm not gunna be your back up friend anymore, You're back up guy. I'm just not gunna fucking be here anymore. I can't be the kid you turn to anymore I just can't. I've got so much to say and reasons but why bother, I know you don't really care. you clearly never have. And if everything i've said is wrong and you really do care. Prove it to me Sydney, cause it's gunna take more than words to get me back. ='( 5 Scream for me | Scream like you never have before

Limerock bitch [26 Aug 2009|11:51pm] Fuck Yeah! Limerock in a week with Stacey and Trish. The usual crew's going up plus maybe anna and jeremy? hopefully. good shit Scream like you never have before

ha [11 Aug 2009|09:31pm] I'm glad these kids are more important to you but I can't play these games anymore.  I don't know how stupid you think I am. And so here we are, the one thing you've supposedly tried to prevent, the one thing you've told everyone, the one excuse you've always had is no longer valid. "Don't wanna ruin our friendship" sorry babe I think it's pretty much shot now. I fucking miss you though Scream like you never have before

[06 Aug 2009|11:47pm] I hate how things are now Everything's so different and I don't exactly know how it happened I miss how it used to be, so FUCKING much. but I should stop dreaming, we know it'll never be the same =/  Scream like you never have before

[21 Jul 2009|12:03am] I miss you... Scream like you never have before

[10 Jul 2009|07:49pm] [ mood | crushed ] Why's shit gotta be like this?  =/ Scream like you never have before

[08 Jul 2009|09:18pm] Shit's falling apart like usual. I need to escape. There's too much fighting, too many headaches, and too much heartbreak in my life. I'm so tired of the same shit with people time and time again. Let's steal from our friends.. Let's lie to our friends.. Let's fight everyone cause we're that cool Let's have the biggest ego ever Let's be shady and do tons of drugs Let's be the biggest hypocrit in the world.. Let's smash my heart into a thousand tiny pieces, THEN  SHIT ON IT AND BURN IT, over and over again for.... laughs? Let's this, Let's that. It just never fucking ends. ever. I don't want to be here anymore, but I can't afford to move out on my own right now. so I'm screwed. When I do get my shit together though, and I can manage by myself, I'll be fucking gone, fuck everybody. Scream like you never have before

[06 Jul 2009|05:09pm] It's nice to have someone to talk to for once cool shit. Scream like you never have before

[04 Jul 2009|02:41pm] This is FUCKING ridiculous. I'm not doing this shit again. Scream like you never have before

[27 Jun 2009|09:34pm] how things can go from good to fucked in 30 seconds is beyond me. I've got so much shit on my mind. I can't handle living here anymore its the same shit day in day out, I'm at my breaking point the one thing going for me is work. and now that I have a job my mom is on my ass to pay her back for every fucking cent ive ever borrowed from her. so basically I'm being told I have to give her my entire pay until i pay her back, what was it? three thousand something dollars? I wont fucking do it, how can I? I need to save my money and leave but I don't know how to even go about that considering if I have money at all I get an ear full until my pockets are empty. why bother working. shes fucking lazy and clearly retarded and I despise it here. yet again nothing in my life is going my way, but then again when does it? And there's no sense in fighting because when does that ever work? And there's no one to talk to that either cares or could do anything about it anyways. I feel like a zombie, numb to the world. I just don't understand shit, I'm starting to not give a fuck about anything. My life is on repeat and I don't want to play anymore. I've realized there's only one thing I NEED in my life right now, more than anything else in the world. hahaha Scream like you never have before

[23 Jun 2009|02:19pm] we both know this is crap. why are we so stupid? or playing stupid. what the fuck. Scream like you never have before

[18 Jun 2009|05:36pm] My life is on fucking repeat, clearly. I just want to fucking blow up but what's the point. Finally learning that whatever makes sense, you should do the opposite. apparently. Scream like you never have before

[12 Jun 2009|01:22am] I've got to be the stupidest mother fucker on earth. Scream like you never have before

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